Cary Terra, LMFT

• "My son was diagnosed with Asperger’s, but then I took a second look at my husband with new eyes….and realized he may have it too…"
• "I’ve never had an official diagnosis, but I’ve got a lot of the symptoms…"
• "My partner wants me to go to therapy…"

Do you wonder if you or a loved one might have Asperger’s? Here are some questions which might be useful:

• Do you feel like you’re from a different planet – like everyone knows the rules but you?
• Do you prefer to spend time online or in fantasy worlds to spending time with real people?
• Do members of the opposite sex seem completely confusing to you?
• Is small talk, or chatting, difficult or impossible for you? Does it seem pointless?
• Do you enjoy fantasy worlds, such as WoW, HALO, Star Trek or Second Life?
• Do you find yourself feeling intellectually superior to others often?
• Do you have difficulty communicating without coming off rude, abrupt or dismissive?

If you find yourself answering “yes” to three or more of these questions, read on.

I specialize in working with adults with Asperger’s.

I offer a number of support services for adults with Asperger Disorder, including social skills training, counseling and coaching. I enjoy my work immensely.

Adults with Asperger’s can exhibit a variety of characteristics, and the disorder can range from mild to severe. Persons with AS show marked deficiencies in social skills, have difficulties with transitions or changes and prefer sameness. They often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest. They have a great deal of difficulty reading nonverbal cues (body language) and very often the individual with Aspergers has difficulty determining proper body space.

Often overly sensitive to sounds, tastes, smells, and sights, the person with AS may prefer soft clothing, certain foods, and be bothered by sounds or lights no one else seems to hear or see. It's important to remember that the person with AS perceives the world very differently. Therefore, many behaviors that seem odd or unusual are due to those neurological differences and not the result of intentional rudeness or bad behavior.

More and more, adults are identifying with the Asperger’s profile. This is a relatively new diagnosis, and many adults have spent their entire lives feeling just a beat off, always a little different. Adults with Asperger’s (often referred to as Aspies) are often very bright, and often successful in their careers. However, just as often, social difficulties have been huge obstacles, and have caused pain and isolation.

If you lack an official diagnosis, but feel you may have Asperger’s or something close to it, please reach out for help. Asperger Syndrome is a mixed bag of wonderful strengths and big challenges – the trick is learning to enjoy your gifts and deal with your challenges in ways that feel right to you.

Often the spouse, partner or family member of the adult with Asperger’s is the person who seeks out treatment.  Why?  Because Asperger’s can pose special difficulties for couples.  Often treatment for couples is similar to treatment for individuals – learning to appreciate the mixed bag of the Aspie marriage, which can be challenging.  But it can be done!

Still Single? Relationship issues?

Often adults come to my office with concerns about achieving a long-term relationship. Dating for adult Aspies can be a confusing and disorienting experience, and can lead to frustration and hopelessness. Adults may find themselves obsessing on lost relationships, reliving them over and over, or may find that they cannot seem to stop living in a fantasy world. Others are in relationships fraught with communication difficulties and misunderstandings.

Feeling alone can hurt. But you are not alone! I work with many adults who stop the suffering and learn to enjoy the perks that often come with Asperger’s – increased logic, higher than average fluid intelligence, increased technical abilities, an ability to detach from drama, a high capacity for creativity. Working with a therapist to address social difficulties and anxiety can free you to explore and accept yourself, with transformative results.

More Information

If you would like more information on AS, check out the Resources page, or call me at 206-890-4858. For news on research, anecdotes, personal accounts and therapeutic tips, visit my blog at http://aspiestrategy.blogspot.com/